Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I think perhaps it is time to quit smoking

I was forced to take another sick day that shouldn't of happened at all. I had a hackers cough so deep and persistent that I wasn't able to get any sleep until well in the afternoon. My job is doing geriatric care and you need to be alert and functioning to do so. I also work the third shift, so not getting to sleep until 3:30 in the afternoon is not good at all. My reasoning is if I didn't smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, the cough and a persistent low grade fever wouldn't have been there at all.

I don't remember the exact day I started smoking, but I do remember the month. It was March of 1979 and I was 16 years old. For some reason deep down, I thought that smoking would help me be accepted in what social circles that existed when I was in high school. It turned out that things didn't change at all in that regard. I was on the outside looking in before, and I still was after, but now I am saddled with a habit that has cost me a lot of money and some missed time at work.

Have you ever seen someone suffering from COPD ( Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder)? The often need extra oxygen to breathe and the slightest bit of exertion leaves them out of breath. I am only 46, but at times I find it hard to breathe; what will it be like thirty years from now if I am even still alive? My wife also smokes cigarettes, but I know I can do this. I have to remember that there are NO dfisadvantages to quitting at all, only advantages. I find it strange that it was easier to stop drinking alcohol and doing drugs then quitting the cigarettes. I no longer wish to be around drug use, but even when they are staring me in the face, I no longer have any interest in them.

This is also a message in part to any teenager who thinks that smoking will make them look more adult and cool and who might think it will get them accepted. Take it from me; it will NOT do anything for you at all!! Instead, you will spend a lot of disposable income to smell like a burning ashtray and as such, you will only be welcome around others who smell the same. It will not change who you are or introduce you to a life of glamour at all. You will still be you except you will have an addictive monkey on your back. I was alone and lonely during high school; I hated that time of my life with a passion. Smoking cigarettes didn't change any of that at all. I am not your mother nor your father; my only claim is that I have already been down that road, so I am knowledgable about this topic.

There is so much I still want to do with my life. My latest interest is writing fiction. So far I havent sold anything, but I sure as hell intend to do so. My immediate goal is to get something, anything I have written sold before the end of this year.

Can you believe that cigarettes are now about four dollars a pack? If I smoke two packs a day that is 730 packages.or $2,920 dollars down the drain. There is one aspect of quitting that sort of appeals to me; quitting has to be the most selfish thing that you will ever do. You can't quit for someone else or some vague ideal; you have to do it for yourself. I have failed numerous times in achieving this goial. I have tried injections and nicotine gum and counseling, all to no avail. If I am to quit smoking, I will have to do it myself; I will need to walk away from it like I did the alcohol and marijuana. I only hope my wife will be supportive in my effort, but the effort must ultimately come from me and me alone.

This is all for now; I need to get this monkey off of my back for good.


P.S. After thinking about the matter for awhile, I decided to post my Highlander Novel on a fan fiction site. This novel is based on the characters from Highlander: The Series. Read it in its entirety here:

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